What my heart wants to say...

Salam...

Hi.

This is a post that might not make sense at all.

My heart is scarred, it is wounded and I am amazed that I can still live up until today. Sometimes, I am afraid to be close with someone, to have expectations, to care...but I always ends up doing all of that even though I know that I will be hurt in the end...Life is a bitch sometimes but when you have people that love you, that care for you, all the hatred and suffering in the world won't matter. But when you lose that connection with the one that you love and you are here, almost 8906.8km away from home and you have nobody to turn to, suddenly, everything matters...especially when things got bad and you find yourself being alone, having a life only through internet and that is when that one connection became extremely important to you.

I wish I can simply pull them out from pictures and hug them tightly so that this feeling will just go away...I wish that pictures can move and Harry Potter is real but life does not work that way....and it sucks. Damn it...god.my heart hurts a lot now.

Loneliness does not suit me to the tee...I can't be alone or feel like I am alone. Yes, I know, Allah is always with us but having to see one people that care about you will be great. Cause I need that love and affection now.

I know that I never seemed lonely cause I will always be around friends but that's it...they are friends...they are not best friends. they don't care about you as much as your best friends. cause they are just friend. and friend is nor the same as best friend.

If I can apparate, then I will be home in a heartbeat. I miss you

Loneliness

Salam....

Hi.

Loneliness. Gosh. I hate that word a lot. For me, loneliness is like a snake (or a Boa to be precise). It creeps out and attacked you when you are most vulnerable and exposed. Then it constricts and bind you up so tight, you will feel like you are being suffocated. After that, you either wish for a miracle in which you can escape from it or you give up and succumb to that horrible emotion. If you surrender, then you will be so depressed and you will want some company. Someone that wills say, 'It's okay. I am here with you.' instead of someone that just stare at you blankly, pretend to listen and then walks away without knowing or even caring that you are actually dying from the inside. 

I hate being lonely. I love being around people but not too many people cause I hate being crowded. I love being with some personal and close friends that I know care for me and is there when I needed them. Here I haven't found anybody that cares and want to be there like my Malaysian friend. It is not to say that people here didn't care but the feeling is different in Malaysia. I feel like an outcast here. Sometimes I even feel like I don't belong. Like I am just another face in the crowd, unnoticed and not cared for. I wish that I can find somebody that just like Hema or A'an. Well, I am hoping too much eh? Friends like them did not come often. 

Will I ever get to find someone like that in Wellington. Gosh. I just wish that you are here now. Cause the boa in me is constricting too tightly; I cannot breathe. I hate Wellington. 

Last day kuar dgn budak botak??? sob sob

Salam...

Hi. Hari Sabtu ari 2 ak kuar dgn budak botak lagi. Whoah...perasaan nak tinggalkan dia merupakan perasaan yang paling tak best dalam hidup ak. Rasa cam nak tinggal anak lak kan? haha. Pergh...pas ni bila la boleh tengok, peluk, cium, hidu bau rambut dia (ya. ak suka buat cam 2.asal? ko ada masalah dgn 2?. haha), gomol2 dia, tengok senyum sinis dia....huwaaaaa!!!sedih!!! Pas 2 t smua org dalam family ak akan start wat ak jeles dgn letak gambar dia dlm fb, update status dan even skype ak supaya ak leh tgk je tapi x leh pegang...huhu...kejam2.

Ni gambar2 ak dgn diamasa g mandi air terjun di Gua Kelam, Perlis.

P/S: peringatan: jgn ko berani kutuk sal badan ak dan jerawat ak yg nampak gila kat muka ak 2. dosa tau. sekian.haha

Dan dia start mengunyah bekas kamera 2.haha

 ala...wat muka comel lak.haha

Seronok makan itik.hehe

Dah ensem pakai baju.

Budak botak mengamuk mak dia lap ingus...haha

Happy balik bila nampak camera.mmg camwhore r dak ni sorang.

Suka sangat bila org blow raspberry kat muka dia.Geli.haha

Muka masam2 lemon.haha...nak sgt rasa.kta bagi rasa sket.amek...hehe

Emosi terlebih

Salam...
Baru pas cakap dgn mak d Skype...selepas 4 bulan d sini, ni la kali pertama TERnangis dan MEnangis masa tepon rumah...
2 la..mungkin sbb Skype leh nampak muka kan? kalau tepon, ckp dgn orang yang paling kta x suka pun kadang2 x da effect...
dah sekali air mata 2 keluar, x tertahan2 la jadinya...
maka hari ni emosi ak terlebih...
pergh...bila la nak stop nangis ni...
T_____T
blur smpai x ternampak apa yang nak dtulis dalam blog ni...
kenapa boleh menangis ari ni?
well, mungkin sbb rasa bersalah pada mak...
rasa bersalah kat keluarga...
sbb datang sini masih main2...
dah la sponsor, pas 2 still main2...
aish~
mmg rasa bersalah...
2 r...riak gak dulu...cam slalu dapat score tinggi kan?
skrg bayang A pun x nampak g...
hari dah resah gelisah...sem dah nak abes...
sangat susah hati...
mak dan abah pulak kalau call msti ckp 'Buat elok2...score best2 cam dulu...kalau dulu boleh dapat score tinggi kenapa x boleh d sini..'
Bila mak dan abah kata cam 2, hati ni macam kena tikam...cam kena hiris...
toing!
kena sebijik kat muka...
bila sampai d sini, rasa cam semuanya asing
rasa cam bodoh...dah r masa diterima masuk program ni pun rasa cam x berhak terima
sbb ak tau ak ni x sepandai org lain...wpun ak suka English tp ak x pernah dapat semuanya dengan mudah.
mungkin ada org akan kata, mana ada org dpt smuanya dengan mudah. Life is tough.
tapi pada aku, luck 2 mmg bukan middle name ak...sangat la susah nak bertuah...
apa2 pun, mungkin ak kena re-evaluate myself....
kena jadi lebih tabah...lebih independent...
ish...kurangkan internet...

Ya Allah...bantulah hambaMu ini...

Dah nak pergi...

Pejam celik pejam celik
dah tiba hari nak pergi
esok la ak bertolak ke KL
tp xkn gle nak menulis esok kot masa semua org tgh busy nak gerak
mau kena cincang dgn ayah ak t.
haha

Lappy ak ni merajuk jugak dgn ak
mentang2 la ak ckp kata ak nak beli lappy baru
teros dia merajuk
byk le lak apps yg x leh guna
'Jgn merajuk sekarang lappy. Tunggu smpai mama beli lappy baru dulu k?' cakap dgn lappy
aish~
sayang ak ngan lappy ni
mana x nyer, det sendiri kot
wpun trial lappy jek yg telah menjadi ejekan member2 ak
tp det sendiri k?
x mintak2 kat org len soh belikan

asgmnt Lisa x siap g
br start intro
camne eh?
John nyer alhamdulillah dah siap
beres dah
Lisa, mintak extension leh?
huhu

Barang2 x pack betul2 g
baju masih d sini dan sana
ada sikit dalam beg yg ke langkawi
ada lagi dalam beg ke mrsm pendang
pendek kata
merata2 baju ak 2
huhu

Cakap sal baju
ak bertuah ada kawan yg sayangkan ak (sayang ke??) hehe
lengkap barang2 ak nak pergi sbb diaorg
You guys are the best

Jannah bagi buku tk hilangkan bosan ak

A'an bagi scarf yg ak akan guna d sana t

Gola bagi gloves yang mmg super cute

Paina n Tini kasi pashmina yang ak kira akan dijadikan tudung t

Freezy pun kasi gloves yang mmg best

org lain kasi support yang slalu wat ak terharu

Mak kait scarf utk ak d sana

Adik ak (Intan) masih mengait scarf yg ak x tau bila nak siap, tp dia confident akan siap sblum ak fly

Angah kasi baju sejuk yg dia kata cute, mslhnyer bju 2 agak kecik...huhu

Cik Ct pulak belik jacket panjang lagi

Pak Itam Bob ak lak kasi dua jacket utk ak lagi

Termasuk sweater dr abah n mak, ak de 7 pasang baju sejuk

gle byk
haha

Terima kasih ak ucapkan pada semua

Mak, abah, keluarga, pakcik n makcik

Geng USM

Dak2 kolej (Ain, gonna miss u a lot)

Madam2 Kolej Professional Mara Indera Mahkota, Kuantan

Dak2 sekolah yang still ingat ak (Freezy thanks a million)

N ak jugak nak minta maaf sgt2 kalau ak ada lukakan hati korang
ada teremo, tersedih, terkasar bahasa, terkata, termengata, tertulis, dan ter ter yang lain
ak mintak maaf sgt2
halalkan makan minum ak, hutang ak kalau ada...
halalkan lah semua
ak pun halalkan dan maafkan korang semua
harap t bila berjumpa, kta akan masih mesra mcm dulu

 

Leaving on a jet plane

Don't know when I'll be back again

Oh baby, I hate to go

 Berikut adalah jadual penerbangan ktaorg

Victoria Univ. of Wellington

13/02       KUL/AKL           2130-1250   MH131       CFM
14/02       AKL/WLG           1530-1630   NZ445       CFM

ADNIN GHAZALI
NURUL NADIA MANSOR
NURFARAHIN MOHAMED ISHAK
NURFARAHIN SULAIMAN
FATHUDDIN RIYADZ MOHD YUSOFF
NURUL HUZAIMAH HUSSEIN

Nyesal yang Memang tak Berguna

If only I can say the same phrase written on the picture out loud to me...

Sadly, I cannot do that. Why? Because it is my own fault that had landed me on this plane towards the land called sadness and near madness...

Haish~

Main banyak sangat...

2 je la yang boleh dikatakan...

Mana x nya...internet 24-7

Laptop leh kata x pernah off...

2 la...

spa soh main sgt?

kan dah padan muka...

Bukan x leh wat yang terbaik

Nyesal mmh x de guna

wpun leh r reka ayat senangkan hati

macam

'X g camping PBSM, sbb 2 marks low...'

atau

'Ala...bukan leh wat transfer unit pun d sana t...'

atau

'Kan dah quit dr USM...watpe nak kisah pointer?'

Aish~
Still x sedap ati...
Meraung tol dalam diri ni...

Asal ni Farah???
Pe yang dh dibuat sepanjang 6 bulan d USM?
Tido dan makan je ke?
On9 sepanjang masa?
Belajar x ni?
Macam x jek...
asal teruk sgt ni?

Below expectation.
Way below expectatation
Rasa nak hentak jek kepala masa tgk result

Why?
X NAK!!!!

If only I can turn back times...

5 stars, 1 link, 1 cassie. AKTF!

 

Post kali ni berbeza dr yg lain...haha...

WARNING: 

Bagi sesiapa yg x kenal Dong Bang Shin Ki (DBSK), Tohoshinki (TVXQ), Jaejoong (Hero), Yunho (U-Know), Xiah (), Yoochun (Mickey) dan Changmin (Max)

JANGAN BACA kalau x mau! haha

BACA kalau nak kenal

Sapa DBSK @ TVXQ?

Mereka ialah satu kumpulan dari Korea yang ditubuhkan pada tahun 2003 dengan 5 anggota d bwh syarikat SM Entertainment.

Mereka ialah:

Yunho (U-Know)

* Leader *

* Kind Hearted *

* Warm *

* Bass vocal *

* Born on Feb 6, 1986 *

JaeJoong (Hero)

* Oldest member of the group *

* Loves mirror (haha) *

* Have great voice *

*  Main vocal *

 * Born on Jan 26, 1986 *

Yoochun (Mickey)

* Speaks English fluently (he came from the States) *

* Sensitive (he loves his members a lot) *

* I think he got a funky style *

*  Middle low vocal *

*  Born on June 4, 1986 *

Junsu (Xiah)

* Dolphin boy *

* Angel voice *

* Cute and funny *

*  Middle high vocal *

*  Born on Dec 15, 1986*

Changmin (Max)

* Youngest and tallest member (186 cm)*

* Quirky and quick witted *

* Love spicy food *

* High vocal *

* Born on Feb 18, 1988 *

Kenapa ak suka kumpulan ni? Sbb lagunya yang menarik...Semua ensem2...Tarian power dan vocal yang mantap.

Sadly...

Three members of the group, Jaejoong, Yoochun and Junsu filed a lawsuit against SME recently and this case is x yet settle in the court.

Kenapa saman?

Sbb kontrak 13 tahun dengan SME merupakan kontrak yang diumpamakan seperti kontrak yang sgt x adil. Slavery contract.

Ni adalah snippets of the contract. Ak x dpt cari yg lagi detail. But this will do.

Sekarang ni ak x boleh baca news sal diorg tanpa nanges...

Yaa~
The situation is bad...
Tp peminat depa a.k.a Cassiopeia berharap yang kumpulan ni akan kekal
AKTF (Always Keep The Faith) !!

Fighting DBSK!!

YunHolic * Jaemanic  * Xiahnism * Changminizer  * YoochunCraze

Rasa Bersalah

Ari ni bestday ak...
spatutnya ak hepi
tp ak x rasa hepi
ak ketawa
tp lepas 2 ak rasa nak nanges
ak rasa bersalah untuk gembira
sbb ak x spttnya gembira
baru 5 hari Aidil pergi
cepatnya ak rasa untuk ak senyum dan ketawa
jadi ak berbelah bagi
ak nak ketawa sepuas-puasnya
tp ak takot
kalau ak ketawa, adakah bermakna ak dah lupa betapa ak menangis semasa permergian Aidil?
patutkah ak ketawa?
atau
patutkah ak menangis
boleh kah ak gembira dalam tempoh ni?