Loneliness

Salam....

Hi.

Loneliness. Gosh. I hate that word a lot. For me, loneliness is like a snake (or a Boa to be precise). It creeps out and attacked you when you are most vulnerable and exposed. Then it constricts and bind you up so tight, you will feel like you are being suffocated. After that, you either wish for a miracle in which you can escape from it or you give up and succumb to that horrible emotion. If you surrender, then you will be so depressed and you will want some company. Someone that wills say, 'It's okay. I am here with you.' instead of someone that just stare at you blankly, pretend to listen and then walks away without knowing or even caring that you are actually dying from the inside. 

I hate being lonely. I love being around people but not too many people cause I hate being crowded. I love being with some personal and close friends that I know care for me and is there when I needed them. Here I haven't found anybody that cares and want to be there like my Malaysian friend. It is not to say that people here didn't care but the feeling is different in Malaysia. I feel like an outcast here. Sometimes I even feel like I don't belong. Like I am just another face in the crowd, unnoticed and not cared for. I wish that I can find somebody that just like Hema or A'an. Well, I am hoping too much eh? Friends like them did not come often. 

Will I ever get to find someone like that in Wellington. Gosh. I just wish that you are here now. Cause the boa in me is constricting too tightly; I cannot breathe. I hate Wellington.