Need to get this out from my chest....

Hi...
today, although the weather is great, but my heart, mind and soul is not.
If the sky today is as blue as the baby's sky...my heart is not...
I think I am in depression mode...
I might be smiling and laughing and jabbering and talking like always but deep inside, there is a turbulence going on.
That feeling is not good.
It is like a black hole, sucking everything inside.
I want to go back
I want to go to USM, study my literature, be with A'an and all USMers rather than being stuck here and feeling alone in a huge crowd.
I want to be able to go back home anytime without needing to worry about anything.
I want to be spazzing with latest news and gossip around freely
I do not want to meet and be familiar with strangers that did not understand and need time to really know me as who I am
I do not want the unfamiliarity and the uneasiness that accompanies the new surrounding
I want to be ME without needing to explain to people that I do not mean anything bad with the way I am talking
Yes, I am harsh with words
but do know that I did that unconciously
Yes, I do tend to forget the fact that we didn't know each other that well
and I know that it takes time for you to fully understand me and me to understand you
but hell
That new feeling of wanting to know people
that feeling of really wanting to meet new people...
I do not want to go through that again
to establish good image, to be likable and always have to be on your toes is tiring
it is boring
I want people that know me for who I am
I need my besties in Malaysia
take me home, bound me there as this is a suffering that I do not want to endure...

I miss you Malaysia
I miss you USMers
I miss you, my family...

Gosh~
The tears is starting to form...
I guess I better stop now...
or else there will be rain on this fine, clear weather...